U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Randomize
