Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
