He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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