I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Less talking, more tequila
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
