Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
