Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
