Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
