Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Life is so much better after having sex.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
