Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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