I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
