I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
