I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
