And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
