She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
