I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
