hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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