I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
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Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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