Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
