Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
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I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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