If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
