I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
