Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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