i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
tell me about the eggs
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