i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
