when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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