I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
