you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
