no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just pee around me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
