im six kinds of drunk right now
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
