you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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