I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
