we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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