I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
