Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
