I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
