A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
