is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
