therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
