Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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