hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
