I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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