I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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