Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
