i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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