guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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