Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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