Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
