She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
