So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
