my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
