Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
