Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
People Are Arguing Over This Guyâ€™s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.