I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
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you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.