I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.