your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
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sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
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We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.