It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.