As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?