if you like me you must not know who I am
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.