at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
