The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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