he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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