My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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