I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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